sheepoverboard.com

I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen … and replaced by exact duplicates”

If you’re not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he’s the guy who once said:  …

So the email goes - as do many websites passing this off as content. Like us.

Steven Wright’s dry wit, reminiscent of a 21st-century Mark Twain, is the most popular, most circulated, text humor doing the email rounds.

His every shrewd message invokes jealous wishing: “If I could devise just ONE smart remark like that in my entire, pathetic life…” 

It springs from where? A deep well, a strong, centered will to stand aside from the consensus beguiling us lesser, compliant, fickle souls.

It’s just … it’s like everyone is caught up in a raging river, in rapids … the call-waiting and the faxes. And I try to get out of the river sometimes, try to grab a branch on the shore … but I can only do it sometimes. I think it’s too fast.”

.. the speed causes more commotion. It’s removing the moment…”

Honestly, I feel like I’m from Vermont in the 1870s … and for some reason they let me drive.”
Time Out New York June - Greg Emmanuel

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
 Borrow money from pessimists - they don’t expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
 A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
 The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
 OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
 If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
 When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
 Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
 If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
 What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
 Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
 A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
 The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
 The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
 The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film.

Would you like the full set? Sending you to BrainyQuote.com