Australian Capitol Destroyed by Fire

Canberra razed: "Not terrorism - Tourism!".

CANBERRA - Australians celebrate the Whyee Festival in September 2004, rejoicing in the burning of their nation's capitol and ousting of Federal politicians.

		Canberra burns in celebration leading to 2004 Federal election

The Festival, named "Whyee", an Awabakal Native Australian term for fire, originates from ancient traditions of Australian Aborigines setting fire to bushland to rejuvenate vegetation.

Preceding by a month Australia's Federal elections, which are held every 3 to 4 years, the Whyee Festival of the Burning of Canberra was redefined in modern terms during the Eureka Stockade, a symbolic and now iconic rebellion of gold miners in the 19th century.

In the turmoil of that uprising a lavatory, quickly recognized the perfect symbol of the nation's capitol (then Sydney), was accidentally set ablaze. Australians, mostly derived from lower-class criminal elements of English society and with more than a rascally streak to them, decided a great time could be had at someone else's expense by burning the buildings and belongings of their snotty masters each year- perhaps as a ... yes, that's it, a celebration!

Since no-one wanted particularly to burn down Sydney (and Melbourne was too far away), the capitol of Australia was moved to uninhabitable, desolate, worthless wasteland in central-southern New South Wales.

The settlers, mostly lower-class English migrants and relatives of uneducated soldiers and convicts (the reader ought be reminded), thought it a right lark to name the place with the Native Australian word for meeting place, "Canberra", and force their politicians to live in the godforsaken wilderness, well out of their hair.

Since establishment in 1913 with the laying of a foundation stone on Capitol Hill (which failed to burn, so the bush was set alight instead) the bizarre festival has been held in the month preceding election day ever since (preferably during hot weather).

The most recent Whyee Festival was marked for sometime September 2004, happily coinciding with the onset of spring's hot, dry winds, and roughly a month before the October 9 elections.

Traveler and pyromaniac Janet Morton says, "The scene at Canberra is extremely cathartic and difficult to describe, but resembles a cross between a bawdy Disneyland, the Fourth of July and the end of the world!" [And that was before the festival began - Ed.]

Even today the festival has retained its satirical and working-class roots, an intent not lost on the well-to-do and faint-of-heart "Canberrians" (snigger) who, with intuitive caution befitting their politico-parasitic nature, invariably ditch out of town during Whyee.

Besides the burning of the city's political and bureaucratic structures there are myriad other activities at the fiesta.

During the day you can check out the extensive roster of unparliamentary scraps on the charred lawns of the smoldering House of Representatives, parades of members suspended from the chambers, paella contests symbolizing exposing corruption and distribution of booty, and beauty pageants around the city comprising mistresses, whores and lobbyists of our flesh-pressing baby-kissers (their wives having been dispatched to the coast with the kids to "avoid the terrible fires").

Spontaneous fireworks displays occur everywhere in the days leading up to "Whyee", but another highlight is the daily rush for portable toilets when the Senate (forced into a circus tent beside the smoking ruins) pauses for lunch at exactly 12pm. The ground literally shakes for the next ten minutes.

In addition to razing the capitol's political infrastructure, the focus of the fiesta is the creation and destruction of "ninnys".

The ninnys are extremely lifelike and usually depict bawdy, corrupt politicians. They are crafted by local political branches and take about six months to construct and, if elected, often cost upwards of A$750,000 per year plus expenses.

The ninnys remain in place until the day known as "La Crema" (not to be confused with a popular Internet café). Starting in the early evening, young men with axes chop holes in statues of outgoing representatives and stuff them with fireworks. The crowds start to chant, the streetlights are turned off, and all of the ninnys are set on fire at exactly the stroke of midnight.

Over the years, the local firemen, called "bomberos," (so named for an incident involving a water-tanker accidentally loaded with highly volatile liquid) have devised unique ways to assist torching the city's buildings, like neatly covering storefronts with petrol-soaked tarpaulins.

And each year, one of the ninnys is spared from destruction by popular vote and exhibited in the local Museum of the Ninny at Yarralumla (Native Australian term for "echo," as in "empty" - a local joke not lost upon visitors and tourists - and the nation in general) along with the other relics from years past, who also live there when in town.

Sometimes things get a little out of hand.

The previous Whyee Festival saw bands of youths from lower-class Belconnen run amok, targeting cultural and scientific buildings normally considered sacrosanct. Sadly, the historic and world-renowned Mt. Stromlo observatory was destroyed, along with decades of research.

Locals and tourists alike were hugely relieved that only Stromlo was lost in the rampage, and not the revered and priceless cultural treasures of Cockington Green.

Photographs courtesy of Sydney Morning Herald public archive