Microsoft Expunges English Language

Yeilding to lobbyists smearing the ancient Mayan, Navajo, Buddhist and Hindu sauswatika, symbolizing the footprints of Buddha, as "unacceptable" and "offensive" - Microsoft deleted this symbol from the Bookshelf font

Seizing the opportunity, ethically-challenged ethnics clamoured for more expurgations from the English language offensive to their religions, races and cultures.

Microsoft abdicated today as (according to one MS source) "the final straw, when an African American (we think that's a Negro) claimed the letter "K" had only one meaning for him and his brothers."

"If those college boys can't code to prevent that letter being repeated consecutively three times then they're culpable of allowing offence to the entire Black Nation".

A senior MS staffer confided a major service pack is "imminent" that would remove "all offending symbols from Microsoft True-type and ClearType fonts" pertaining to the English alphabet.

"That should leave diddly squat in the winnt\fonts folder but keep us safe from the circling sharks", he explained.

Indeed it does, as this reporter can attest! Our story was delayed 3 days after foolishly and trustingly applying the beta service pack to the editorial computer - revealing a slight side-effect: Microsoft Windows™ operating system fails to function minus a language!!

Seeking clarification, a MS source merely pointed to a press release accompanying the service pack while confirming the behaviour of computers so patched.

"We are looking into this unexpected consequence and the OS guys are going to have a little explaining to do. If we can't drop service releases without bombing every computer in the world then perhaps Windows™ should be re-coded".

Microsoft left unanswered the question of why a "critical update" was deemed necessary to delete an ancient and revered symbol that was suddenly, magically, offensive to ignorant, self-indulgent professional haranguers - and how a giant, smart corporation could buckle so quickly without any, let alone due, consideration.  

Associated story: WW2 Vets Clamour for VW ban (coming soon)
Also, European Union (EU) calls for ban on 'swastika' symbol. Rest of world barely impressed.