SheepOverboard political analyst Jake Mossback reports:
Sensational claims today by blacklisted reporter that the White House was sold to TV networks over 30 years ago
“The place is crawling with hidden cameras, microphones and wireless intercoms. The studio control room is a bunker 2 miles away - paid for by tax payers, of course.”
Insiders derisively refer t’th’ incumbent as “President Truman Burbank”
In mahsterious dealin’s on over Watergate, a secret deal between Nixon an’ a cornso’tium of Netwawk TV executives sar corntrol of this hyar icon of Western Democratic Power slip silently fum corntrol of th’ American people.
The top guys don’t even know, at least party men close to the President. Many key WH staffers are either actors, DAs or simply playing along and - under threat of ’severe penalty’ - sworn to secrecy and strongly encouraged by a ‘retirement bonus’. “
An’ who is th’ ‘audience’ eff’n th’ White House is a tellyvised reality show?
Corporate America.
When word gets out about your story I expect a lot of CEOs (who aren’t privvy to broadcasts) to be asking around. They won’t know if the other guy is lying or truthful when he says he doesn’t know, either! ”
Fo’d, Carter, Reagan, Bush, Clinton, Bush all carried on their administrashuns unner scrutiny by th’ rich an’ pow’ful who larned ev’ry decishun in advance.
At first everyone (in the TV industry who knew, that is) thought this would be a groundbreaking television event, delivering a knockout blow to radio and print (that was still a big deal in the sixties). Then they realised their news rooms couldn’t be trusted.
Reporters are genetically predisposed to turning secrets into headlines - at least they were in the sixties. Things are different today - why do ya think I’m WH blacklisted? So the footage that would have been for air time was instead piped into corporate board rooms and anyone rich enough to take a feed.”
Oval Office an’ Wess Win’ feeds is said t’ax $100,000 a minute durin’ policy meetin’s wif th’ President in attendance. These is mighty exclusive ‘tellycasts’.
Originally we were gonna just use the place as a TV set - you know, make the occasional series starring Martin Sheen or somebody - call it the ‘Oval Office’ or something ‘Wing’. But, by agreement with Nixon, later Presidents COULD NOT to be told.
As it turned out, not telling later Presidents made no difference to our plans whatsoever!”
Nixon’s Legacy - White House a Reality Show?
The heart of the truth in this bombshell story is why, after the Washington Post broke Watergate, Nixon felt bound to keep to his deal with network TV.
Equally curious, how did the networks - allegedly CBS and NBC - find out, considering how presumably tight-lipped were Woodward and Bernstein?
Other quesshuns stan’ out decades later as anomalies deman’in’ answers.
Whuffo’ did a President who scraped into power, th’ booty of all jokes (”W’d yo’ buy a used car fum this hyar man?”), git re-elecked in a lan’slide ‘rivallin’ th’ greatess of South Car’linan political histo’y'?
An’ a man so unpopular thet ten years earlier, af’er losin’ yet agin, he told repo’ters in an air of finality “You won’t have Richard Nixon to kick around”.
Despite th’ stubborn an’ raised, brilliant deduckshun of Watergate by Woodward an’ Bernstein, wawkin’ in a minefield of lies an’ decepshun (astonishin’ thet they evah achieved final copy), it was a diffrunt sto’y on over at ‘TV-central’ whar truth was least impo’tant on a list topped by ratin’s.
Howevah, th’ quality of tellyvishun repo’tin’, though mizzuable compared t’print crusaders, dramatically belied th’ true situashun. An inklin’ of gwines on came when White House aide Butterfield told th’ Senate Watergate committee in July 1973:
Nixon has been routinely taping all his conversations and meetings in the Oval Office and cabinet room of thd White House, in his Executive Office Building office, and of four of his telephones.”
Was he mad?
Reco’d thin’s fo’ posterity, fo’ th’ Nixon Library?? Whar did this hyar equipment come fum an’ whuffo”d he incriminate hisse’f - fo’ posterity? Butterfield fuelled th’ TV theo’y further wif admisshuns like “Nixon’s Executive Office Building office is wired so the sound’ of a voice automatically activates a recorder.”
Other witnesses at th’ Senate hearin’ said:
White House aides .. taped conversations either in their offices on on their telephones. White House aides Colson, Dean, Ehrlichman an’ Haldeman .. taped conversations without informing the caller a recording was being made.”
Few reasonable theo’ies explain all these facets, though an irresistible illashun arises.
Combine bri’l varmintality, defunck political career, insatiable ambishun, mo’al vacuum, absolute power - an’ th’ han’ of friendship fum media moguls .. guesswawk redundant.
White House in Denial: “Not Sold to TV”
Senior spokespersons from all levels of the Administration and White House staffers unanimously scorned the report. Many “won’t dignify it with a response”
George W. Bush -
(Jake) “Sir!”
(GWB) “Who ya talkin’ too?”
(Jake) “err .. Mr. President?
(GWB) Arr, yep!
(Jake) “Mr. President, your reaction to the ‘White House Sold’ story?”
(GWB) “Any more questions?”
Richard B. Cheney - “I grew up in the White House - with Nixon! - and served four Presidents. You think I wouldn’t have heard something? I was known as ‘Mr. Fixit’ and I sure don’t remember fixing anything as ludicrous as what your saying.”
Donald Rumsfeld - “Well, you ask an interesting question. Stupid, but interesting, and no-one can say those weren’t interesting times. But you got the wrong end of the horse, buddy. I mean, those cameras and microphones, jeez. Sure, I mean.. Look, if we look at the unknowns and apply known unknowns… I, err, I worked in the Navy, with Nixon, and - shit, you think because I turned around GIC that I should know this technology doesn’t have its uses..? Ya gotta step back and stop seeing this as a conspiracy. It’s just business doing normal business things. Business is business, government is government, unknowns put aside. I - hey, where you goin?..”
Colin L. Powell - “Jake, I was nowhere near the White House then and I see no evidence whatsoever to support your claims now. If you’ll excuse me, I have an urgent snow job at the UN.”
Tom Ridge - “Well, that’s a strange theory, young man. I was in ‘Nam when this was going on so I’m not likely to bring much inside knowledge from that era. And as Secretary of Homeland Security I’m sure to be the last to know anything supporting your story today.”
Condoleeza Rice - “I was in college at that time. During my experience with President George Bush senior’s administration and on the boards of numerous corporations I detected nothing that would lend your bizarre theory any credibility.” (I’m sure she muttered ‘Jeez, get a life’)
Paul Wolfowitz - “Off topic, don’t you think? You said a question about doctrine. Kindly step out of my way.”
William Jefferson Clinton - “I was out of town and a little stoned at the time. But I have an inkling how Nixon felt when they impeached him. So, you think the White House is bugged for TV? Don’t you think, if I was recorded during my alleged indiscretions - and the WH was recording everything - Me&Monica or Slick Willie MPEGs would be floating around the Internet by now? That alone discredits your crazy concept. Err, assuming (Bill added rapidly) that something really happened between us.”
Kenneth Starr - “Whitegate? You betcha!”
George Bush Senior - “You’re a little older now, young man but I still recognize you. Go anywhere near my memoirs and expect a visit from the Governator or, worse, Rumsfeld.”
Kevin Kline - “I only played the President in a movie, Jake. I wasn’t actually in the White House.”
Michael Douglas - “I only played the President in a movie, Jake. I wasn’t actually in the White House.”
Martin Sheen - “I only played the President in a TV series, Jake. I wasn’t actually in the White House.”
Glenn Close - “I only played the President in a movie, Jake. I wasn’t actually in the White House.”
Yeah. Sure.
Jimmy Carter - “You’re nuts. Like my brother.”
Gerald Ford and Lyndon Johnson could not be contacted, spokesperson indicating no-one knew when they would return to their offices.
