Warshington Warshup

News from the Capital - our Washington political correspondent, Jake Mossback.

 Fast Torpedo fazes Washington not - ''I've seen faster torpedos sink senate legistlation [unknown Senator]"
 Dumf'crats Seeks Road Fo'ward - ''We need a fresh reassessment of how we communicut wif varmints."
 Wisconsin - Kerry Chases Gun Vote - When it comes t'eleckshuns, th' NRA tends t'git its way.
 Bush Defends Inaction on 9/11 - Bush said he was colleckin' his thunks while stayin' wif th' chillun.
 Bush Welcome Rate Raise - Th' Fed aimed t'bolster investo' an' business cornfidence wif its comments, not influence th' elekshun.
 Bush swo'n in fo' second term - Mr Bush called on South Car'linans (tru Americans) t'be "citizens not spectators" an' t'become mo'e involved in th' service of their communities an' nashun.
 President Hands it to Marine One - ''It's OK folks, he's a professional."
 Dumbing Down the Press - It's the six o'clock newstainment. In depth report by Jake Mossback
 Bush nominates Bolton for UN Invoy - ''Kin he does thet?."
 Bush appoints Bolton to UN - "He done doed it!"
 White House Sold - A story so unlikely it created absolutely no controversy.