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American Infidels   May 22 2004

Filed under Serendipity by Ewen Shearer

Family Research Council ‘Eye to Eye’ with Al Qaeda: "Americans Infidel"

A hitherto unknown pioneering dotcom is at the center of a religious and political storm

Groundbreaking software, designed to extract news from ‘"background noise on the Web", created more publicity than intended at a press conference launch.

Naive techie CEO of noise2news.com, Serge Geugl, initiated mass journalistic cell-fumbling with the first "public story" from his beta-but-au courant coding miracle.

Legendary lack of prescience foremost, Geugl proudly displayed the first Noise2News™ header to stunned reporters: "Family Research Council Supports Al Qaeda. Americans are Infidel"

Err, it still needs some fine-tuning but the basic facts of the story are correct. N2N has extracted the core truth of the matter from billions of cached web pages.

Infidel, infidelity … semantics. What the heck. Ask any dork on the street the difference!" added a bemused Geugl to an evaporating press corps.

FRC President Tiny Pecans was inversely bemused – yet deeply encouraged – by the arrival of carloads of clamoring cubs, contributors, communicators, columnists and correspondents.

I haven’t seen the report to which you are referring, but I can confidently say that I would warmly support anyone – even this foreign chap, Allan Kida, did you say? – who is prepared to stand up for their beliefs and tell Americans that infidelity is wrong.

I feel strong affinity with anyone having the moral strength to tell our nation’s people to uphold the institutions of marriage and the family"

Only mildly disconcerted by the silent sea of open mouths – he had rarely seen so many journalists, certainly not this many so quiet, motionless and attentive and (definitely never!) hanging off every word .. like … this … Dismissing doubts, Pecans savored the moment.

At this point, your reporter sneezed. Raising my gaze from a handful of tissues (having no tissue) I registered Mr. Pekans statue-like, finger raised, jaw suspended open, word half-formed, glancing sideways at this SheepOverboard reporter through the dust – the only remaining journalist in sight – the media circus having stampeded to the White House.

Caught off guard at a Press Briefing on "Iraqi Progress" and mid stand-off with a journo -  "oxymoron, where?" – Donny Rumsfella grasped the nettle with an ideologues élan:

Technology is a good thing. Good things come from good technology. The little nerd Geugl is American, the technology is American. Noise is an unknown. This is pushing back unknowns, both known unknowns .."

He broke off, unable to make eye contact with anyone in the room.

President Bush, also a little distracted nursing bleeding fingernails from "a misunderstanding leaving the Presidential Chopper,” offered the Press Scavenger Corps stationed at the White House his thoughts – the not inconsiderable effort diverting focus from his aching fingers:

I know I’ve said some bad things about Arabs lately. They might be heathen rag heads but if they support the family values of our crusading nation then I surely welcome their pronoun cements."

That night Al Qaeda claimed responsibility for whatever stupid journalist on about, Tiny Pecans spent a sleepless night pleased about the attention – but uneasy about what he wasn’t sure, www.noise2news.com got 50 million hits – and a record number of Americans cheated on their partners.




Down Under


Australiana


Ink Irresistable

Not the NYT Montaigne's what would I know? Huxley's almost anything about almost everything. Or Bierce and nothing matters. Codifying life's inimitable impromptu inclines irrestistably to essay.

Civilization ..

   defiles itself


Times past when warlords, priests and royalty hoarded luxury, life was a short grim struggle. Today most want for little yet still deny dignified survival to working poor, and ravage entire countries as collateral to our laissez faire fiesta.
double arrowOn not shedding a tear ..

A Century of Imperialism

     ..hasn't dulled the urge

American foreign policy never a pretty sight, finesse of the mobile crane chase from Terminator 3. Export democracy? Cure worse than disease. double arrow Read more ..

Charity

~ its own reward

And what's going on in Land of the Free, Home of the Brave? As 40% of kids fail graduation the Iraqistan wars suck $2.4 trillion [CBO 2017 est]. Imagine this staggering sum applied to rebuilding The Great Society. Think of others.
double arrow Where Charity Begins

This lazy unemployed

..crack-smoking welfare queen ran up U$15 trillion debt

lazy homeless scum
Odd how the ultra-wealthy gull even working poor to blame unemployed, disabled, weak, and vulnerable while but for the grace of God go all.

If he's a welfare leech then your soul is with the sociopaths and predators who own Warshington and its minions, the Repugnicans and Dumfocrats, gutting a once noble nation that aspired to equality.

This elite will survive the US economic train wreck, land softly on 300 million plundered taxpayers, then from fortresses of luxury and privilege prey elsewhere for spoils.

The dawn of civilization was greatly exaggerated.

Munch Montage


Painters, such a sad old bunch
None it seems more so than Munch
Upon that bridge with skies afire
A meme took flight to never tire.
2arrow gif

Quote Me

"I am an obsessive rewriter, doing one draft and then another and another. In a way I have nothing to say but a great deal to add
~ Gore Vidal

"Rulers of state are the only ones who should have the privilege of lying" (Well, that explains the last 2500 years)
~ Plato

"By 'known unknowns' I was referring to the universe's dark matter.."
~ Donald Rumsfeld

"I have neither time nor inclination to communicate the fullness of my heart in speech, I am resolved to do it in writing, and to print myself out.."
~ Joseph Addison