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Haircutgate ~ A Grammarian Comedy   Mar 19 2018

Filed under Australiana by Ewen Shearer

As The Cigar waded through the stream of anguish, the unfolding tragedy at Kew TGS – Trinity Grammar School’s “Haircutgate” – the hilarity of it all grew unendurable.

In this leafy walled garden of Melburnian affluence, a trite school drama delivered real passion, hurt, and anger upon participants, victims, and bystanders with the apparent intensity of a US school shooting.

A conflagration of protests, sackings, resignations, mass meetings, mini royal commissions – even a Getup campaign – arose when a student was cruelly cut down before his incredulous school chums… by the vindictive scissors of a “beloved” deputy principal.

His hair was too long for the school photograph.

Before taking too great an offence at Cigar’s imputation (to use an au courant word) this is not the sniping of some sniggering public school ingrate.

The Cigar is a proud graduate of one of Australia’s elite secondary schools – one founded for free public attendance several decades before those craven hives of nouveau riche offspring, established by pious aristocrats to spite the fledgling commonwealth’s égalité. Cigar’s devoted partner and lifelong BFF was a private school teacher who dealt with many an entitled little Toff.

So there.

When 30-year TGS veteran deputy head Rohan Brown chose, as he occasionally had, to trim a young scruffy’s moptop for class photo-op, his consequent sacking unleashed a tempest of pent-up indignation of such fervour it must have been unhealthily dammed within alumni proud chests during the entirety of the school’s wabbit subsistence by an implanted staidness of Grammarian holistic tutelage.

It was as though the nearby pending Batman federal by-election – giving all those yuppies and commoners a free public brawl – triggered the ex-students beyond their collective last straw.

The parents complained. Brown was sacked, students rebelled, public meetings held, lawyers engaged. School Council members resigned, the headmaster besieged. The press reported.

Old Trinity Grammarians Association donned button-bursting gold and green school blazers in a show of support while students swapped blazers for civvies or wore brown armbands. A rumour said that some students had no casual clothing, only pyjamas, believing being out of uniform, ever, showed anti-establishment tendencies. Maybe that was made up.

Most unfair of all, the student, whose hair Brown cut, reportedly took schoolyard censure for getting him sacked. Not cool, lads.

The Cigar pondered the amusing spectacle of these upstanding folk, salt of the upper crust, and their defiant offspring, behaving as they always wanted to.

Just like public school bogans.

Former Grammarians had been grumbling for years that TGS was taking a nasty veer towards being, well, an elite private school, with distasteful proneness to “focus on things like buildings, fundraising, marketing, ATAR excellence, Cambridge schooling program, etc.”

They also declared that the school – which charges over $30,000 fees – should not be run like a business and should continue "the holistic development of each student – spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, physically, socially, and morally".

Alumni of this mindset shows only one thing: TGS failed to prepare those guileless former students for the real world.

Down Under


Ink Irresistable

Not the NYT Montaigne's what would I know? Huxley's almost anything about almost everything. Or Bierce and nothing matters. Codifying life's inimitable impromptu inclines irrestistably to essay.

Civilization ..

   defiles itself

Times past when warlords, priests and royalty hoarded luxury, life was a short grim struggle. Today most want for little yet still deny dignified survival to working poor, and ravage entire countries as collateral to our laissez faire fiesta.
double arrowOn not shedding a tear ..

A Century of Imperialism

     ..hasn't dulled the urge

American foreign policy never a pretty sight, finesse of the mobile crane chase from Terminator 3. Export democracy? Cure worse than disease. double arrow Read more ..


~ its own reward

And what's going on in Land of the Free, Home of the Brave? As 40% of kids fail graduation the Iraqistan wars suck $2.4 trillion [CBO 2017 est]. Imagine this staggering sum applied to rebuilding The Great Society. Think of others.
double arrow Where Charity Begins

This lazy unemployed

..crack-smoking welfare queen ran up U$15 trillion debt

lazy homeless scum
Odd how the ultra-wealthy gull even working poor to blame unemployed, disabled, weak, and vulnerable while but for the grace of God go all.

If he's a welfare leech then your soul is with the sociopaths and predators who own Warshington and its minions, the Repugnicans and Dumfocrats, gutting a once noble nation that aspired to equality.

This elite will survive the US economic train wreck, land softly on 300 million plundered taxpayers, then from fortresses of luxury and privilege prey elsewhere for spoils.

The dawn of civilization was greatly exaggerated.

Munch Montage

Painters, such a sad old bunch
None it seems more so than Munch
Upon that bridge with skies afire
A meme took flight to never tire.
2arrow gif

Quote Me

"I am an obsessive rewriter, doing one draft and then another and another. In a way I have nothing to say but a great deal to add
~ Gore Vidal

"Rulers of state are the only ones who should have the privilege of lying" (Well, that explains the last 2500 years)
~ Plato

"By 'known unknowns' I was referring to the universe's dark matter.."
~ Donald Rumsfeld

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~ Joseph Addison