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Weatherboard Boarder Disboards in Disorder   Feb 23 2018

Filed under Down Under by Ewen Shearer

Throsby can admit but awe and humility at the leader of the National Party’s overwhelming command of retail politics.

Barnyard – or Beetrooter, as we have come to cherish him in so short a time – is such a retailing master, why, he could not only sell the shirt off your back, he, in fact, has. And the cheque is in the mail.

If you, my now shirtless friend, ever imagined your National Party bore any resemblance to the Country Party of 40 years ago, well, did you know your pants too are on the market? Yes, the ones you’re wearing. The Nats might sport many candidates in regional Australia, but the majority are either supporters of big mining or in bed with local agricultural phylarchs.

All the while you thought he and his jolly band of Nats represented “the person in the weatherboard and iron.”

Weatherboard and iron, you city-slicking, avo-smashing apartment dwellers probably wonder, is an euphemism for rather more affordable housing than the McMansions your suburban classmates were oversold. Refer also “fibro and iron” that even the latte-sipping regional folk wouldn’t be seen dead living in. For an inkling of the economic class we’re insulting, observe the accompanying illustration.

Which is to whom Barnaby the Bush-tailed Beetrooter referred when he set the Twittersphere alight with the priceless hashtag #weatherboard9, created by the majesty of our famous strine.

Who are the Weatherboard Nine, the nation asked?

Their roots set in the fertile plains and bush of regional Australia, the Fibro Nine were a splinter group born of the Weatherboard Nine and their pretentious cousins, the Vinyl-clad Colourbonders.

Mcnock, aka @12ponies, suggests an association with the Brick Veneer Seven, but scholars believe they’re a nouveau riche clique and their twains shall never meet.

Weatherboards, known as clapboard siding in America, have been around since logs and timber slabs could be machined into long thin planking. Fibrous cement, or fibro, manufactured since circa 1900, became the cladding of choice for the poor due to ease and speed of construction. And corrugated iron rooves were all the rage. Nothing rusts with quite the style of poorly galvanised iron.

Newswires and the Twittersphere meanwhile furiously asked: who are the “Weatherboard Nine”? I can inform you without hesitation they are a terrorist group of dissenting poor country losers.

In his stepping-down statement, Barnyard said there needs to be “clear air.” The same clear air PM Trumble thought he had at 2018’s inception – until his deputy wandered in traipsing mud over the Lodge carpet. The Right Honourable Member complained the leaking and backgrounding will destroy the government, retail-ly oblivious to the idea that leaking and backgrounding require a juicy subject to amuse NewsCorp readers (who have been known to gaze for hours at photographic caricatures on front pages).

Beetrooter’s exhaustively paraded Akubra hat rather suggests, of late, “all hat and no cattle.” The hat is now problematically synonymous with a glass of beer.

But if the Minister for Gas Fields and Inland Rail has any redeeming features, Throsby cannot complain about his summation of his predicament as a “current cacophony of issues.”

Down Under


Ink Irresistable

Not the NYT Montaigne's what would I know? Huxley's almost anything about almost everything. Or Bierce and nothing matters. Codifying life's inimitable impromptu inclines irrestistably to essay.

Civilization ..

   defiles itself

Times past when warlords, priests and royalty hoarded luxury, life was a short grim struggle. Today most want for little yet still deny dignified survival to working poor, and ravage entire countries as collateral to our laissez faire fiesta.
double arrowOn not shedding a tear ..

A Century of Imperialism

     ..hasn't dulled the urge

American foreign policy never a pretty sight, finesse of the mobile crane chase from Terminator 3. Export democracy? Cure worse than disease. double arrow Read more ..


~ its own reward

And what's going on in Land of the Free, Home of the Brave? As 40% of kids fail graduation the Iraqistan wars suck $2.4 trillion [CBO 2017 est]. Imagine this staggering sum applied to rebuilding The Great Society. Think of others.
double arrow Where Charity Begins

This lazy unemployed

..crack-smoking welfare queen ran up U$15 trillion debt

lazy homeless scum
Odd how the ultra-wealthy gull even working poor to blame unemployed, disabled, weak, and vulnerable while but for the grace of God go all.

If he's a welfare leech then your soul is with the sociopaths and predators who own Warshington and its minions, the Repugnicans and Dumfocrats, gutting a once noble nation that aspired to equality.

This elite will survive the US economic train wreck, land softly on 300 million plundered taxpayers, then from fortresses of luxury and privilege prey elsewhere for spoils.

The dawn of civilization was greatly exaggerated.

Munch Montage

Painters, such a sad old bunch
None it seems more so than Munch
Upon that bridge with skies afire
A meme took flight to never tire.
2arrow gif

Quote Me

"I am an obsessive rewriter, doing one draft and then another and another. In a way I have nothing to say but a great deal to add
~ Gore Vidal

"Rulers of state are the only ones who should have the privilege of lying" (Well, that explains the last 2500 years)
~ Plato

"By 'known unknowns' I was referring to the universe's dark matter.."
~ Donald Rumsfeld

"I have neither time nor inclination to communicate the fullness of my heart in speech, I am resolved to do it in writing, and to print myself out.."
~ Joseph Addison